The Quarantine of Epidemic: Zero

The Convention Experience

2011-03-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

You walk into a convention center, something you've never done before. Looking around, there's dozens of people all milling toward the center, and you follow in the vague hope that they know what they're doing. Since they're not staring around for some sort of direction, you instantly feel like a child lost at the mall.

Continuing down the hall you discover the Queue Room, a place where people are herded into makeshift aisles comprised largely of police tape. Those around you are playing games, reading novels, talking to friends or making new ones. You sit and wait.

For those of you who have never been to the Penny Arcade Expo before, this is how an attendee feels the first time around. For those lucky enough to be exhibitors, the mighty holders of pink badges may stroll like gods through the pearly gates whenever they please, completely oblivious to the determined attending in multi-hour queues.

Once the Queue is passed, or as I mentioned, you're working the event, that first step onto the show floor is breath taking. I don't know how normal people can just stroll through there without a momentary gasp, heading directly for the 3 hour wait of their choosing, but I always find myself having to pause and take everything in. The large booths that took months of planning and design, the careful floor plan so that lines can snake around without tying things up. All the time and energy that goes into making these few days possible is astounding. The eager representatives of every company who are in for the long weekend haul to make this experience worth remembering for every attendee. Because remember: These are not customers, but attendees, and there's a difference to be noted there. They may become customers later, but right now we're just all people with a general love of geek and gaming culture in common.

I've had the blessing to attend PAX as well as work the event, and the experiences have been phenomenal every time. I have to say I prefer working though, and it's not from a monetary standpoint. When you're demoing a game, especially one that you feel strongly about, sharing it with other people seems like something insane to be paid for. But nonetheless, that's the job: Explaining your passion to someone else and sharing it together. It's probably the coolest gig in the world.

On lunch breaks I mill around to other booths and greet old friends, and try diligently to remember the names of all the new ones I find at each event. It's like a family reunion twice a year, and you have to update the constantly growing family tree with 6 months' worth of additions. I will see them all again after the show ends, at the obligatory after parties. But until then we are the faces of our booths, the living representation of our brand. During the day I am Assassin's Creed or Brink, but once the show ends, I'm Kristen Maloney professionally, or Epidemic socially.

The point I'm trying to make here is that conventions aren't just about playing games, or letting your geek flag fly - though those are important parts of it. It's about a culture, a family structure, a place of peace and acceptance for two weekends a year. I attend PAX twice a year and almost never actually play anything anymore, but going there, surrounded by the passion, by the people, that's what makes it worthwhile. I recommend PAX for gamers of all sorts, especially the socially anxious; discovering so many people like yourself in one place does wonders to ease that tension. There are people who met me demoing a year ago that remembered and came to visit again this year - that's how this family works. We may not talk all the time, we may not see each other often, but a year from now when we reunite it will be as if nothing changed.

I don't know about you, but I sort of dig seeing familiar faces when I'm 3000 miles away from home. And the whole perk of sharing my passion while demoing? Not too bad either. So for those who have never done this before, I suggest you hope on those PAX Prime passes ASAP, because trust me - it's worth it.

Cutting the Cords

2011-03-09T05:59:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This is going to be a difficult discussion using words that may or may not make you giggle. Consider yourself warned.
And with that...here we go.

Bondage. I'll let you consider that. Got it? Good.
I'd like to take a moment to consider roles, their place in the real world and digital world, and how we understand them as individuals. I bring you back to that pesky Bondage issue.
In the S&M world, there is an obvious break between characters - there is the slave and the master. There are no middle zones, no combination elements, it is what it is. You pick one side of the line or the other.
Stay with me here.
In the real world, we are this person who must deal with the terms of the world - its expectations and desires. We are slave to social norms and acceptable behaviors.
But online has removed the ideas of "acceptable" and replaced it with "ideal" - thus empowering us as masters of our identities; free of the influences of culture, family and peer.
As a retailer, an admin, referee, gamer, community member, convention demo-er, I've sort of experienced the gauntlet of gamer personalities online and off. And throughout all those experiences, the singular question that has plagued my mind is this:
Why the hell are decent "real" people complete and utter asshats online?
And sure, there's the whole "anonymity" issue, hiding behind the monitor and such, getting back at all the bullies in the world, but I believe that there's more to it than that.
I believe that the digital realm grants us a mask with which to live a perpetual masquerade. And this simple form of freedom, this act of rebellion against the expected norm is what makes us feel inclined to test the social waters. Things that would never fly in the real world are suddenly applicable online, and currently, expected. I don't think it always starts as malice, but mere curiosity. All our lives we are told to never behave certain ways, never verbalize certain things...and then the Internet came along.
But whether we believe we're honest or not online, there is an exaggeration. No matter how true to form you try to be, your peers will assume that you're stretching the truth despite your honest claims. Every person on this planet can relate with the desire to be free - without pressure from friends, family, coworkers etc. And the simplicity of a gamertag suddenly made hiding from those pressures so much easier. So much lighter. And for that fragment of time, that bit of freedom, you could ignore the consequences because this was not "real".
But cyber-crime is on the rise, making fantasy reality at supersonic speed. The main question here is - what are we to do? People are not the same online, no matter how much you try to be; people are either overly suspicious or entirely insane on the internet.
Back to my bondage issue. We are supposedly masters of our own realm, reigning in the unimaginable power of the internet for our own selfish desires, right? But are we not now slaves to it just as we are enslaved by society? News, entertainment, creativity - everything is online now. We are entirely dependent on technology to survive as a culture.
I don't pretend to prompt any sort of solution here, but merely a bit of food for thought. I find myself analyzing my online persona more each day in context to my physical one and end up with a good deal of surprise at the end of the day. This sense of acknowledgment helps me understand the difference between real and surreal, and which mask is ideal for each.
I propose that we are both slave and master to our own destinies, to our infinitely changing identities, and that the only truth, both online and off, is that nothing is static and everything evolves.
Especially people.
And doubly especially...Pokemon.

I Know You Are, But What Am I?

2010-08-22T01:46:00.000-07:00

I'm not always right. Contrariwise, I'm not always wrong either.
For those of us who just want the short version, I'm right roughly 90% of the time, according to my calculations. This is due to my acute obsession with stopping/thinking/researching before speaking.
However, this ability to be right and/or wrong has nothing to do with my having breasts.
Now that that's cleared up, let's move on to other matters.

I wanted to take a moment to deal with some of the more interesting insults/situations I've encountered in my life, as a gamer, as a girl, and more directly as a combination of the two. After a vague introduction, I thought this might be a nice way for you to really see how my inner workings tick. Most of these issues are the direct result of exposure to online communities of the FPS nature, but as an effort to keep the loyal/rabid fans from rioting, I shan't name names. But the balance of things a girl will endure, versus her male counterpart, is very interesting...

First off, when did one's sexual orientation ever directly effect their gaming performance? I was unaware that my preference for men or women could entirely disorient my gaming reflexes. I've done a good deal of research on the topic, but I can find no connection. Maybe one of my less mature comrades can explain this in meticulous detail to me. I find this insults especially curious as it applies to both male and female gamers, whereas most of my other quips seem limited to those lacking a Y chromosome.

However talented I am at making sandwiches, given three years of Deli experience, what would possess me to make one for you, a complete stranger? And for free? For those of you who are curious, I have a standard minimum $5 sandwich fee, plus cost of overnight shipping. Oh, and tips. Anything less just results in a dangerous monstrosity at your doorstep instead of a tasty treat. So no thanks guys, I actually won't be making you a sandwich, how about you make me something instead? I don't know, a garden salad, a decent stew, hell I'll take a cookie if it's done right.

I know my shots are point perfect and my kill to death ratio is the reason being so high in the positive digits you're so frustrated, so obviously, I must be fat. Being awesome and being fat go hand in hand, don't you know. Again, I could not seem to locate the research to back this up, but it must be out there. It seems to be an irrefutable fact on XBox Live that girls who kick ass only do so because they spend so much time on theirs. I don't see how larger fingers on the buttons would make my reflexes sharper, but so be it.

Now come the more serious issues. The threats of all manner and kind, I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to say this once, and only once. Let it be. Breathe in. Say it with me, calmly, slowly - It. Is. Just. A. Game. Breathe out. Feel better now? Life is too short, as are in game rounds, for such attacks. Not only do these comments carry real world consequences, but they are entirely unnecessary. Shooting your imaginary avatar with my imaginary gun from 3000 miles away is hardly anything worth threatening my life over. Anyone care to offer a theory why some people online are so verbally violent? I say "verbally violent" because the guy threatening to rape me digitally is the same one I'll bump into at PAX looking for a hug and a handshake. With all my research, all my pondering, all I can come up with is that some folks are just plain crazypants.

Now, now fellas, I'm not saying the ladies get all the hate, but correct me if I'm wrong, but it's a different sort of criticism than the guys get. Despite the growing numbers, the overwhelming statistics, the world of gaming, and inherently, online gaming, is still very much a "man's" world. And don't think I'm one of those crazy ultra-feminists out to change the use of the world "history" because it begins with "his" - I could care less about minor details. But the point is that out of the 40% plus of girl gamers out there, most of them are still silently coasting by, keeping themselves protected against silly/stupid/immature/irresponsible/unprovoked/unnecessary attack. And yeah, bucking up and growing a stronger skin is part of life...however, and I emphasize - HOWEVER, there's a limit.

I guess what I'm saying is this: It's a scary world out there, especially when there's so much going against you, despite your gender. The ladies have a few more chips on their shoulder to hold up, and a few more weaknesses to take advantage of. The point I'm trying to get at here is simple - We're all in this together, it ought to be enjoyable for everybody, not just the four 12 year old boys calling each other "noob".

Myself personally, I've been called every name in the book, and then some I didn't know existed. I've laughed about it, I've cried about it, I've gotten revenge over it, and I've signed off over it. It's all part of the process. In my mind, forging an identity online was much like doing so in High School. You have to go into the fire and come out, slightly singed but otherwise still breathing, in order to discover the person you're meant to be.

For right now, that person is PMS Epidemic. It could be someone else tomorrow. Thankfully, the only thing holding me back from the next great idea...is $10

Once More, With Feeling -

2010-08-08T23:18:00.000-07:00

Okay...
I understand you're upset. It's been awhile.
But I'm back, see?
And this isn't going to happen again. Promise.

So it's been awhile. A very long while. Looks like there's some catching up to do...

Since we spoke last, I was promoted at work to Assistant Store Manager (so I just live there officially) and I became a Frag Doll Cadette. What's a Frag Doll Cadette? The best damn internship on the planet. How so?

I was paid to demo amazing games before they came out at fantastic events (see also: PAX East, E3, SDCC) and meet/hang out with some of the most wicked people on the face of the planet. You can stop drooling now.

I've also been trying to meet everyone I could along the way and learn a thing or two about the industry as well as how to ninja my way into it.

Speaking of the industry, there's been some crazy thing happening, hasn't there? Playstation Move, Microsoft's Kinect...the 3DS. Where to begin, where to begin. I know...next entry.

Just a faint hello for now, but next time...you'll see.

Hostile Takeover

2009-07-21T17:45:00.000-07:00

Celebrities. TV Shows. Professional Athletes. Motion Pictures.
We've gotten hold of them all and we're not giving up any ground now.
Gaming has evolved folks, from the embarrassing past time restricted to your basement after hours to something worth discussing in the world forum. Questions, real and thought provoking, are stacking up by the day and they're being addressed by substantial figures, and not just in our own ranks.
When I was small, gaming was something those nerdy kids at the front of the class did. And don't even get me started on girl gamers in the early 90s, we may as well have been unicorns. But media? Public Relations? They didn't exist. Compare game ads from then to now and you'll see some amazing changes.
Brad Pitt commenting publicly on Rock Band. Megan Fox discussing her Mortal Kombat skills. Jimmy Fallon makes gaming a regular part of almost every show. We're getting bigger, better, and finally, more accepted, and I can't hide my pride.
Though the battle is just starting to take a healthy turn, there's going to be longer nights ahead. Cyber-athletes still struggle to be taken seriously. A lot of people still giggle when questioned about the evolution of video games.
This is no longer about killing aliens, or saving princesses (even if they're in another castle), this is about a new medium of expression violently breaking free. And granted, you can't deny the classics - at the end of the day most of us are still down with destroying our share of Goombas, but there's somthing more now. Games have storylines, musical scores, character development - unlike a major motion picture. But the interactive element is what makes us different, what makes the gaming realm so much more...interesting.
And given all the leaps we've taken in acceptance, thanks in large part to Casual Gaming's rise and the success of the Wii, I'm eager to see where we'll be standing in another 5-10 years, and what the big issues will be then. And how many more media giants will be willing to come out of the gaming closet.

Hunter/Gatherer Responses

2009-06-28T04:19:00.001-07:00

So there's all this pressure in the media against the gaming industry and its role in the sudden violent uprising. If I pay point out a few trends here...
All our violent offenders...are male. Remember that, I'll come back to it later.
The majority of our violent offenders are under the age of 20, so still high school age, and for the most part, still living at home with Mom and Dad. Or Mom and Mom, or Grandma and Grandpa. Whatever. Actually, I've never seen any kids in a same sex parentage go batshit bonkers and try to kill 15 kids at school. Perhaps that's besides the point. Or perhaps that's one of several points here.
Contrary to popular belief kids, video games are not an adequate babysitter. It might seem that way given all the interesting noises, bright colors, and thanks to the internet - human interaction, but look closely.
There's more to child rearing and passing time than the simple passage of minutes. There are rules, expectations - besides the fun factor there needs to be the function factor. How does this benefit my life? What am I learning here, and more importantly, why?
As a child of the console generation, I've seen both sides of the coin. Does my love for violent games make me a more violent person inside? Perhaps. So why haven't I gone off the deep end, why haven't I purchased a series of handguns and murdered my classmates?
That's where family comes in. Human interaction, role models, compassion - warmth. Something very different from the warm glow of the monitor. Something you can't buy or barter. There was expectations, social norms, that come with spending time with and around real people. I learned early on that tantrums are not acceptable and merely make you out to be the butt of endless jokes. And I learned that as stress relieving as profanity may be for me, it might not be for the other guy.
Granted that last part is sort of my way of admitting I'm trying to be better, but I still consciously swear like a sailor. We all can't be saints, even part time. Back to the point.
Gaming is a wonderful hobby, don't get me wrong. And if you're talented enough, a possibly revolutionary career (I'll revisit cyberathletisim in a later post). However, there's no way a controller can replace arms, or a console the comfort of a stable heartbeat. Parents, even steady friends, anything are not only helpful but necessary. They help separate the real from the surreal and they guide into what is expected from us not only in our tiny fish bowl but in the bigger picture that will eventually become our lives.
Long story short, shooting or stabbing people, especially people you love, is NEVER acceptable.
So why the violent streak in males though? Why are women able to kick back and relax while the men batter each other senseless? What release do they get from calling each other fags and assholes that we don't seem to rejoice in?
I trace it back to our caveman roots. That whole hunter/gatherer breakdown of the genders. You see, man is programmed to kill. He is programmed to take care of himself in the interest of survival. In past times, man was more disciplined and civil, which was part of his survival technique. Unsavory characters dressed and acted as such - the best way to hide your madness was to do so in plain sight behind proper attire and ettiquette. But times have changed, evolved, and the definition of "proper" gets broader by the day. So what is a man to do with his Hunter instincts, the part of his consciousness that bid him to perserve his legacy and dignity?
He calls the other guy a fag. Tells him that he is garbage. Reminds him that he's a noob.
Or in severe cases, stabs him in the chest to prove his supremacy.
Man isn't protecting himself from physical threats such as predation or competition. No. He's protecting his mind, his soul, his consciousness, from something more. His loss in that game represents his loss in life, his failure to protect himself. He needs to let others know he's not weak any way possible. So lashing out occurs, in all the wrong ways.
Are parents to blame? Perhaps. Are the games to blame? Also, perhaps.
But I think this is mostly something that's coded deep into our genetics that a combination of events has led us to overlook. Men are more brutal, more obvious, more passionate creatures when it comes to fury and frustration. Women have always been the more collected, meticulous, and cautious in their means. Check your Psych books, it'll check out I swear.
I guess the important question here isn't why these boys go ballistic, but how do we stop them? And that's something that's treated on a case by case basis. Something that we're going to have to work together to solve if we have any hope of preventing a much more dismal future. To nip the trend in the bud, we need to get off our soap boxes, stop pointing fingers, and have a productive cycle of discussion to find the method to this madness.
Until then, I'm going to continue owning some kids online to work out my inner aggressions, but as long as I keep that working out online without involving any real firearms, I think I'm going to be okay. Statistically speaking, of course.

I'm Concerned....

2009-06-03T01:52:00.000-07:00

About the well being of Milo.
You see, he's all by himself in this limitless world. Sure, he's got a dog to keep him company, but what about his parents? Guardians? Anything? How about friends?
Well, I guess there's me, but do I count as a friend? I mean, Milo just met me. I'm technically a stranger. But he's never had a mother to tell him never to speak to me.
What if I'm a bad person? What if I shout at Milo or hit him...or worse? What if I'm entirely unqualified to be Milo's friend?
What kind of childhood will he have?
Far from perfect I'd guess.
These are some of the nearly infinite questions I have regarding the well being of Milo. But it's only the beginning. Once we've become friends, where does it lead and how aware is he?
Milo is supposedly the first entirely self aware gaming character, destroying the fourth wall and allowing the player to become a fully involved character in the world they've bought into. A nifty idea yes, but there's something about "self-aware" that sort of starts the old goosebumps.
You see, what stops Milo was abandoning ME if I'm not nice to him? Or perhaps if he gets bored with me? What stops him from being smarter than I am, more polite than I am? Perhaps I resent Milo for his perfection, how obvious he makes my human flaws. His mechanics remind me of how flawed mine are. His "perfect childhood" is a perfect display for how fractured mine was.
Then there's the question of ethics.
What sort of self respecting adult plays with a little boy for hours on end? Am I the only one that sort of senses this bit of pedophilia in the works?
There's so many questions but I suppose time will answer most of them as Project Natal develops and Milo becomes a household name. For the time being, I hope he's got a Child Services Counselor that comes packed in, just in case.
And that we have a kill switch for Skynet when/if he does become self aware.

Are You A Girl Gamer?

2009-05-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

Question 1: Do you own your own console? If Yes, Continue On. If your entire gaming history can be defined as what you play while at your friend/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/neighbor/coworker's place, stop now. You fail, thank you, have a nice day. You classify as a "Casual Gamer" which is an entirely different breed, and will be entailed in a separate survey.
Question 2: Do you understand the difference between the Big Three? If Yes, Continue On. If by "Big Three" You are thinking of Commandments, Laws, Rules, or some other series events, stop now. You've stumbled slightly and become lost. You are not a gamer. Answer for the curious: Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony.
Question 3: Are you now, or have you ever been, a booth babe? This question is more out of curiosity's sake, it doesn't really take off points unless that's your entire gaming history in a nutshell, then please refer back to Question 1, except you'd be worse than a Casual Gamer.
Question 4: Do you believe that video games are for boys and girls play for either A.) Attention, B.) Boys, or C.) Curiosity. If Yes to any of those, go away. If No, continue on, you're doing good.
Question 5: Does your gamertag include something stereotypically female in it, such as "babe", "chick", "grl" or some other variant to announce your gender to the world? If yes, why do you feel your gender is such an important part of your name? Has it brought you more positive or negative attention? If no, is there a specific reason you wanted a gender neutral name?
Question 6: Have you ever had friends roll their eyes at you when you tell them about all the kids you fragged? Or when you excitedly ranted about the newest trailer for (insert upcoming title here) If yes, welcome to Gaming Geekdom. If no, you're not doing it right.
Question 7: Are you familiar with any other female gamers? (we do represent more than 40% of the total market right now you know) If yes, awesome, keep it up. If no, do some research, get Google running, and find your sisters in arms.

So what's your score ladies? Are you diehard gamers, willing to pass on a night with the girls to reach that next Prestige in Call of Duty, or are you some boy's cute controller warmer?
You decide.
Gaming's not a man's game any longer, and we long as we're willing to stick together, we might be able to graduate to plain old "gamer" someday. But for now, let's represent the outgroup proudly.

A Formal Introduction, if I may...

2009-02-10T22:15:00.000-08:00

Well look what you've gotten yourself into this time.
You stumbled through without a second's consideration to the consequences, and now you're stuck here with me. And you don't know a thing about me yet, do you?
I suppose I should introduce myself then.
My given name is Kristen, but for all intents and purposes the name Epidemic will suffice. Everyone who knows me knows that I answer more readily to my gamertag than my actual name.
That's right, my gamertag. PMS Epidemic. I'm a gamer. And I'm a girl.
I'll let you marinate on that a little bit.
My console of choice is the XBox 360, though I currently own all three "next generation" consoles, and a few of the last generation as well. I've been gaming as long as I could walk, so it's save to say that there's more money invested in my gaming hobby than my college education.
In terms of online gaming, XBox Live's got me hooked. And no, I'm not some crazy Microsoft fangirl, promise. It's just the best way to keep everything organized, to keep in touch with all my friends, despite the extra fees. I'd rather pay for the convenience.
What do I play? Anything, everything, I'll give it a try once or twice. I'm a notorious achievement whore, so you'll see some strange games in my history, but I enjoy shooters primarily. I've got a pretty severe love of the Rainbow Six games actually. Action games, racers, fighters, I'll play it all for awhile if the mood strikes...and Guitar Hero has a near and dear place in my heart.
Well now that I've covered the most important part, I guess I should fill in some minor details...
I currently reside in Albany, Oregon, a small town like a million other small towns in the country. But I just moved to this small town from Rockland County, New York, a small town slightly bigger with less livestock. But it's not all that bad, the quiet is a nice change.
I'm a journalism student, hence the decision to start this blog. Digital distribution is the future and I intend to put myself out there as many ways as possible. So this is my long and convuluted way of saying hello and offering some background to whatever idle observer should pass by.
I'm 22 years old, an artist at heart with a love of all things unique, and currently passing as a tourist sort of Oregonian...so if that seems interesting, I hope you keep up.
Otherwise, I'll catch you on XBox Live I'm sure, I've got some F.E.A.R. 2 to enjoy this week -